Most women are aware, on some level, of the fact that acting insecure, and begging a man to validate you or praise you, are 'bad'.
But this doesn't leave you with a lot of scope for when life gets in the way and screws up all those 'rules' that you've got in place about how you 'should' feel or behave.
For example: let's say you're feeling really low or really insecure about something. According to the 'insecurity is bad' rule, you've got two choices: either you can do what MOST women do, and give in to your feelings of insecurity, and go ahead and ask him in one way or another to validate you, praise you, or otherwise 'rescue you from yourself'... ...and then, usually, justify it to yourself afterwards on an emotional level because you didn't know how else to make yourself feel better...
OR, you could simply point-blank refuse to seek approval or validation from anyone, but, without a strong backup plan, continue to FEEL TERRIBLE ANYWAY. Neither of those options is appealing.
On the OTHER hand, when you're able to take care of INSECURITY and UNCERTAINTY at the ROOT: meaning, that you stop asking from others what you're not willing to give yourself... and you stop looking EXTERNALLY for 'the answer' ... and you stop buying into the TRAP that, if you just 'try hard enough' or 'wait long enough', those bad feelings (and the way they make you act) will finally stop plaguing you...
...THEN, you put yourself in an unassailable and CONSISTENT position of complete power over yourself and your world. (Read: you become IRRESISTIBLY attractive.)
To do this, you've simply got to become aware that the only way to truly eradicate anxiety and insecurity, and the effects that these things have on your behaviour and your relationships, is to simply STOP looking for 'proof' from outward sources, and decide to become your own 'tower of power'.
YOU are now the one who will decide what is 'OK' and what is 'not OK'. Not anybody else. You now come first. Period. And guess what? Things like insecurity and anxiety disappear as a NATURAL BYPRODUCT of this new approach - along with all the attraction-killing neediness, clinginess, and jealousy that you may have UNWITTINGLY been enacting up till now.
In practical terms, this means that you will experience an ever-so-subtle change in your everyday life that really top-quality human beings (of both genders) will sit up and take notice of.
This is real emotional hardball we're talking about here: the 'intangibles' that mean SO MUCH, and that go such a long way, but that you can't 'fake'. It's got to be the real deal. When you're no longer operating out of a place of FEAR, and you're no longer scrabbling to get 'enough' of anything, everything about the way you interact with your life shifts just a LITTLE BIT...
...and you literally empower yourself to put your best foot forward, make decisions that are appropriate to you and your life, and exude an understated, but unmistakable, 'real-deal' self-confidence. THIS is the kind of confidence that really attracts top-notch men. It's the kind of confidence that's based on a genuine acceptance of yourself.
Question: have you ever noticed that it's very difficult to make any kind of lasting change, unless you feel accepted in and of yourself already?
Same thing goes here. Until you accept YOURSELF, and your own opinion of yourself, nobody else will either. And that's the kind of thing that keeps you stuck in the same repetitive, destructive habits and behaviour... TRYING to change ... but not understanding why it's not happening yet.
Confused?
That's OK. This is some pretty deep stuff, and it can take a while to get your head around. But here's the basic layout:
1. Fear and insecurity are UNATTRACTIVE. They convey to other people the idea that you are somehow 'less than', and encourage other people to treat you as if this were true.
2. Most people live their daily lives out of fear and anxiety, believing that if they can just get X to happen (promotion, new relationship, shed a dress size), those negative feelings will go away and they'll be 'happy'.
3. This is not true. Fear and anxiety, if you're feeling them, are a reflection of YOURSELF and how you habitually deal with the world, NOT a reflection of what's happening in your life.
4. Until you change how you deal with yourself at a root level, you will never be able to change those behaviours and will continue to be at the mercy of insecurity and anxiety.
5. As long as you continue to feel these negative emotions, you will be likely to act in a way that highlights that insecurity. These actions usually come to the forefront around men, and can poison your ability to create lasting, fulfilling, healthy relationships.
6. When your actions are motivated by insecurity and/or anxiety, this shows through to the man (or men) in your life ... usually in the form of VALIDATION-SEEKING, which is often perceived as 'weakness' and proof that you are somehow lacking on some level. Needless to say, this usually drives quality people AWAY from you.
7. The only way to ensure that your behaviour is consistently coming from a place of HIGH VALUE and
CONFIDENCE is to deal with insecurity at the root: by recognizing the need to adjust your relationship with yourself, to stop asking others to give you what you won't give yourself, and to look WITHIN YOURSELF instead of externally for security and confidence.
8. Once this happens, all the behaviours you didn't even know about that were tainted with anxiety, insecurity, or fear, literally VANISH. Instead, you exude an innate strength and confidence that not only draws positive situations and people into your life, but that men find VERY sexy.
When Would Now Be A Good Time To Change Your Life
Until the next time....Mary
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