Why Does He Pull Away

Gals, if you want super practical tips on exactly HOW to increase your confidence around guys you want to get to know better, then you should check THIS out:

   Do you ever catch yourself thinking that 'insecurity is just a part of life'?

Or that, on some days, you feel STRONG and GREAT about yourself... but that on other days, you don't have a lot of control over how secure and strong you feel... and that you're pretty much at the mercy of these powerful emotions?

Have you ever felt yourself asking, even BEGGING, for 'approval' or praise from someone in your life (usually, a man) only to have it backfire on you?

 Maybe he becomes more distant over time... maybe you start to 'drift apart'... maybe the 'balance' in the relationship shifts and he becomes more critical and dissatisfied for no apparent reason. 

This is no coincidence. When it comes to attracting, and sustaining, quality relationships into your life, a strong sense of confidence in yourself is not only SEXY, but it's actually MANDATORY. 

Without it, you begin to be motivated by things like INSECURITY... and you inadvertently fuel things like NEEDINESS... and often, this happens without you even realizing it. 

 And for most men, 'neediness' and 'insecurity' are the ENEMIES of attraction, and can literally kill a relationship. 

 If you've ever had a man tell you he needs 'space' before, you'll know what I'm talking about. 

 It's near-impossible to feel attraction for someone who's bought into the habit of acting like a second-class citizen - i.e. someone who's lacking in CERTAINTY about themselves. 

Question:

Did you know that, in a lot of ways, men and women are more alike than you may have realized?

Yeah, I'll vouch for the fact that our BRAINS and BODIES are literally constructed differently, and that we have different instincts and reactions to many situations.   But in other situations, we literally have almost the SAME THOUGHTS. 

 One area that this is HUGELY TRUE of is the area of ATTRACTION. Men and women both tend to be attracted to members of the opposite sex who appear to be 'high value' on the social scale. 

In other words, who act on a consistent level as though they are 'worth something' and that they expect a certain level of respect and value from others at ALL TIMES. No exceptions.

Unfortunately, many women are predisposed to feeling 'needy' or 'insecure' about themselves ... which tends to kick any ability to act with confidence directly in the butt.  

   I'd venture to say that most women are affected by a lack of self-confidence on a near-daily basis. 

Even for the most confident woman, situations are still going to arise where she gets knocked into a situation of uncertainty or overwhelmed from time to time...and this is when those thoughts like, 'I don't know what I'm doing, I'm not good enough, what do I do now' start to surface. 

And this happens more and more frequently to those of us who believe, on some level, that self-confidence is something that just 'happens naturally' as a RESULT of the kinds of success that you're enjoying in your life.  In other words, the belief that if you are 'good enough', then you will have a REASON to feel self-confident, and so you will BECOME confident as a result of that.

 No, no, no!!

This is NOT true - and in fact, it's absolutely CRIPPLING when it comes to your own, authentic irresistibility.  The fact of the matter is that the CONFIDENCE is what comes FIRST ... and THEN you get the success. 

If you're not confident about something in your life - perhaps you feel anxious, insecure, or afraid about relationships, men, your job, money - know this: what you feel ABOUT something is a reflection of how you feel about YOURSELF.

 In other words, it's an inherent part of WHO YOU ARE. 

If you are feeling fearful or insecure 'about something' in your life, your mind will try to trick you into believing that, as soon as that thing or circumstance goes away, those fears and that insecurity will go away, too.

But the mind-boggling truth is that they won't. They will simply latch onto something ELSE. And thus, you'll become trapped in an on-going rat race of fear, insecurity, and mental turbulence, while continuing to wait for X to happen so that those feelings will leave you alone ...

   ...BUT THEY WON'T.

If you are experiencing fear or insecurity, it's not a reflection of your LIFE and what's happening in it. It is a reflection of YOU and the relationship you have with yourself.

A major cause of this on-going 'rat race' of insecurity and doubt is doing what MOST PEOPLE on this planet do, and looking for 'validation' or 'approval' from other people.  A.k.a., 'proof' that you are a good/attractive/smart/insert-adjective-here woman.

Unfortunately, when you look EXTERNALLY for the solution, it never comes ... and you simply end up polluting each day with needy, desperate, fear-motivated actions, driving great men, great

PEOPLE, and great situations AWAY from you, and NEVER getting any closer to being truly confident and OK with who you are. 

It's a self-perpetuating state, in other words.

However! There is a really easy way to get in tune with your own strength, your OWN approval, and your own confidence ... in such a way that literally ALL neediness, all clinginess, and all fear-based behaviours are INSTANTLY rendered null and void. 

Here it is. 

First of all: you've got to become AWARE of the fact that the answer does not lie 'without'. There is no person and no situation anywhere on Earth that can fill that void within you. You are never going to get 'enough', and you are never going to be 'secure', until you recognize that the answer is not OUT THERE...

 ...it's inside YOU. 

And step two: you've got to realize that YOU are the one with the power here. When YOU decide to stop relying externally for validation and approval, and you decide to give it to YOURSELF, you literally retrain  your brain into accepting that 'right now' is all there is. 

And when you connect the dots like this, something absolutely MAGICAL starts to happen. 

It's like plugging up a hole where all your strength and irresistibility had been draining away. The second you realize on a gut level that 'enough' lies within YOU, and that all you have to do is STOP looking for it elsewhere, that thirst for 'more' just... goes away.  

When you are able to draw your strength from within yourself, and stop TRYING SO HARD to get it from other people, several extremely liberating and interesting things begin to happen. 

Firstly: all your mental 'noise' calms down and you instantly shed all the fear, and all the desperate need for control, that comes when your 'sense of self' and your 'security' come from

EXTERNAL FACTORS like jobs, money, position, looks, and what other people say or think. 

You no longer talk and act out of a place of FEAR... and this happens unconsciously. Effortlessly. And yes, other people notice. You begin to ever-so-quietly assume control of your own life and your own irresistible, authentic attraction to the people and situations that you want.

Secondly: you begin to exude the kind of natural magnetism that literally DRAWS PEOPLE (men

AND women) to you, without even TRYING. 

It is EFFORTLESS. 

Imagine, for a second, what kind of a result this 'effortless magnetism' could have on your love life. 

   Hmmmmm!

Let me ask you a question.  Have you ever had a period in your life when you've been very hard on yourself about something?

If so, you'll probably have noticed that, around about this time, OTHER PEOPLE began to be quite hard on you, too.   This is far from coincidental.  

What you feel and believe, you attract more of. (In this case, because you were being hard on yourself, you threw out the welcome mat for criticism and similarly harsh treatment from others.) And, of course, the converse is also true. When you stop asking for something as basic as approval from other people, and start giving it to YOURSELF, a funny thing happens:  you start to get more of it from other people than you would have previously thought possible. 

So if you DITCH all the negative, fear-based 'noise' taking place in your mind... and make a conscious decision to STOP TRYING SO HARD to get approval or validation from others ... and use your

OWN opinion and your OWN feelings as a gauge for how you're doing in love and life...

... then you will attract, EFFORTLESSLY, people and situations into your life that will support you in this new-found empowerment. 

You'll also find that this approach to life has a massive effect on the level of PURE ATTRACTION. 

I think that's enough for one day, part two tomorrow.  If you would like some FREE ebooks on how to improve your confidence, Assertiveness Law of Attraction, go to http://www.slfhelp.com  Nothing to buy, just lot's of free stuff.

See ya tomorrow....

Mary