How to have difficult conversations

Is there something you need to say but dared not say it? Maybe you want to heal a family rift or tell someone some home truths?  You can do this without disastrous consequences.

We know that communication is essential for happy living, when it comes to tricky subjects we often clam up.  Conversation is a powerful tool but we have not been taught how to use it properly when there is something difficult to say.

Here are some steps towards “Having that conversation”

Find your courage

If you have spent a long time avoiding this conversation, start by writing down the risk’s and benefits of speaking up.  Difficult conversations are uncomfortable because they are about things that feel uncomfortable, such as the state of your marriage or relationship, your finances, your relationship with others. But, staying silent and allowing resentment to fester is often worse.  So, look at it logically and dig deep to find the courage to speak.

Prepare your words

This is crucial. First, decide what “Not” to say, then Imagine what the other person is likely to reply and work out how you will cope.  Thinking the conversation through, anticipating the difficulties and how you will respond, will increase your chance of success.  It also means that “Explosive” comments are less likely to come tumbling out of your mouth in the heat of the moment.

You also need a positive frame of mind.  If you are constantly telling yourself “I will be rubbish at this and she/he will hate me” ask yourself, is that true? Will your loved one really hate you for being honest? It is more likely that they will be relieved that the discussion is taking place.  ==>Go here<==

State your case clearly

Start by stating the facts in a way that no-one can argue with.  For example, if you’re trying to heal a family rift try, “we have not been getting on for such a long time and I feel really sad about it”.  Then make it clear that you don’t intend to fight.  For example “I don’t want to hurt you or make things more difficult than they already are but I do think we should talk”.  If you have been struggling with the idea of having the conversation, say so. Describing your dilemma will help the other person understand that this is genuinely difficult for you.

Your tone of voice is crucial, it needs to be calm and measured.  If you are feeling emotional, frustrated or angry, let off steam by speaking to a friend before you have “Theconversation”

Speak the truth and listen

Hold your nerve when it comes to naming difficult emotions.  If you are feeling angry, agitated, resentful, then you can, and must, say so.  If you are truthful but stay calm it won’t destroy your relationship.  If anything, the other person will see your honesty and respond in a similar way.

In return, listen carefully to what they say and acknowledge their feelings.  Phrases like “I’m really sorry this is making you so sad” or “I’m not surprised you’re feeling  angry” will let them know you are listening to and hearing their view.

Remember, it is essential that you are completely honest with the other person, any sign of holding back or “Vagueness” on your part and the other person will close down, worse still, shut you out.

 Show respect and you will reap the rewards

If you remain respectful and stay positive, there is a far better chance that the other person will as well.  If you talk down to the person, show contempt or are dismissive, the other person will see this as a slight and will kill the conversation on the spot.

It is never too late

No matter how hard you prepare, you cannot predict the outcome of the conversation.  Do not let that stop you from having it.  Whatever happens, you will feel lighter and more free for finally having said what needed to be said.  There is always the chance the conversation will go far better than you can imagine.

Too many of us take refuge in silence.  This simply eats away at us and our loved ones until there is nothing left.  Far better to bring things out in the open, rather than let them fester under the surface of a precious relationship.

Todays question:

How would you feel if you do not have “The conversation” and the person you need to have it with passes away tomorrow?  

Mary..

If you know the man in your life loves you, but he doesn't seem "in love with you" anymore, and inside you're afraid it's something about you or your relationship that you don't know how to fix.

I want you to know you have the power to quickly

turn your relationship around in literally

minutes.

You can get back the closeness and connection in your relationship - IF you know how to re-ignite

the positive feelings that drew him to you in the first place.

Do you remember how strong his feelings were when he first decided that you were the one for him?

I've helped thousands of women reconnect with the man in their life and transform their relationship

in literally a few hours or days.

And I've showed each woman who's been able to transform their relationship how to do it with the

simple set of powerful tools you can discover right here:

===> Go Here <===

Now let's get to the juicy stuff about men and love.

Has a man ever said to you, "I love you, but I'm just not IN LOVE with you anymore"? (Hurt's like hell)

And then told you it's over because he just doesn't "feel it" for you anymore?

Or how he just isn't in the right place to go on in a relationship? "It's not you, it's me."

Well, let me make you feel a whole lot better right away: This is extremely common among men,

and it often has NOTHING to do with the woman he's with.

You could be the most amazing woman he has ever met - beautiful, kind, successful - but if a man is not in the right place in his life and hasn't reached the level of maturity that a real relationship requires of him, he's going to cut you loose.

Meanwhile, let me take you on a little trip inside the mind of a man to that place where he processes the emotions of love so you can understand what that means to him.

WHAT A MAN MEANS BY "IN LOVE"

I'm going to explain something to you about men and love, and I'll try and keep it short. I'll have to leave some big pieces out, but you'll get what you need to know.

I'll start by giving you what I hope will be a kind of shift in your perspective about men...

As much as men are different, when it comes down to it, men are human. And because they're human, they have more in common with women than they have that makes them different. Which means that men share many of the same dreams, fears, frustrations and worries that you do on a basic level.

One of the biggest fears that men have, as do many women, is that they'll end up in a "loveless" relationship that isn't about fulfillment or passion and appreciation, but about entitlement, obligation and where the two people in the relationship are working kind of "against" each other more often than supporting and loving each other.

Now, with that said, men who spend a lot of time with women often grow close and connected, and they develop a more "familiar" type of love as time goes on. This is a great kind of love to feel and to share, and it's the kind that usually takes months or years to develop.

It bonds a couple together in a very long term "nesting" kind of way, as it's based on comfort and predictability and stability.

On the other hand, men also experience another kind of love that isn't based on the familiar and the predictable. In fact, this "other" feeling of love is actually based on things that are New and Unpredictable

And these are the qualities that I've discovered make up that magic emotion called ATTRACTION.

WHAT KEEPS ATTRACTION ALIVE

Have you ever been in a relationship with a man where he started out doing all kinds of things to surprise you, show you his appreciation, and come up with new things for you both to do together?

And what happened when you no longer felt this excitement that came with surprises and the unexpected things he did that drove you wild?

Well, you might have felt as though something had broken down in the relationship somewhere, or

that the man had stopped making an effort or caring as much.

In other words, you stopped feeling that kind of love from him that used to drive you wild with excitement to see him and be with him. And without that, it felt like something was missing or gone that needed to be there.

Unfortunately, no amount of asking or pleading with a man to change back to the way he was ever really works in this situation. And not only does it hurt that he's changed, but you lose that great connection and the attraction you were feeling with him.

LOSING THAT LOVING FEELING

Know what I'm talking about? Ever experienced this with a man?

   I thought so.

Well, the reality is that men often experience this same kind of thing with women.

See, when a relationship starts to get more comfortable, more predictable, and has more routines in it, the kind of intense passion that a man once felt can sometimes "fizzle out."

Of course, what fizzles out isn't just about sex and physical attraction... I'm talking about what I call "emotional attraction."

THE ONE FEELING THAT MAKES HIM FALL IN LOVE...AND STAY IN LOVE

Emotional attraction is the thing that gets a man to open up, to share his feelings and connect with a woman on a deeper level than he usually allows in to his life. It's what BONDS a man to one woman over the long term.

When a man says that he doesn't feel "in love" with you anymore, what he's really saying is...

"I used to feel both physical and emotional attraction with you. But the way our relationship has been, I'm not feeling much, if any, of that emotional attraction now. And because of that, what I feel in my heart and my head tells me that something is `off' in our relationship, and I don't know what to do about it."

Now, if this doesn't sound "fair" and like a man is removing himself from responsibility - I get it. Should a man do more to get the relationship back on track and reconnect the relationship from his end?

Yes. He could and should.

But the REALITY is that in this situation, the man is NOT doing this, and he either has no idea what to do about it, or has decided that things aren't working based on how he's feeling.

You can either choose to try and go against the reality of what other people in your life feel and experience (and have a very difficult time with it)...

Or you can take a moment to simply accept the situation as it is and CHOOSE what you want to do

about it - which puts you back in a positive and grounded place of power in your life).

KEEPING EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION WORKING FOR YOU

If you're sensing that a man is feeling less connected to you - or he has even told you he's not "feeling it" anymore - here's how to turn the situation around:

Step 1) Stop focusing on what's NOT WORKING.

What you focus your energy on is what you end up seeing more of and getting more of. Instead of focusing on what's NOT working, take some time to access the positives of the your man and your relationship, and make it a point to let your man know that you appreciate these positive aspects.

Often times your hurt and anger will give you narrow vision and prevent you from acknowledging what's actually working in your relationship.

Widen the lens and look at the bigger picture of your relationship. What's keeping you two together? Bring your energy, awareness, and appreciation there.

While this sounds simple and too airy-fairy to create any real change, you'll be surprised at the

effect it will have. When you shift your attention and your thought pattern and "energy", the man in

your life will feel the shift in you, and it will catch his attention and inspire him to be more present in the relationship with you.

   Your thoughts have the power to create your feelings. And your feelings have the power to inspire your man to want to connect with you, or want to pull away.

Step 2) Give yourself and him some "clear space".

   When someone asks for or creates distance or space, you can handle it one of two ways. You can

either resist it and try to grab on tighter, which only backfires. Or you can allow the space, and even take some space for yourself.

   When you do this, something magical happens. First, you feel empowered over the situation so

that your emotions do not overtake you. Second, men often move past their own doubts and fears

in their own time when given space (a few hours or days) to do so.

Step 3) Create attraction and re-connect

   If things are stalling in your relationship with a man but you used to feel very connected to him, this is actually good news for you. That's because you already have all the ingredients you need to re-light the fire of the relationship.

If he was physically and emotionally attracted to you before, you can inspire the same level of closeness again.

   Here's how...

   Remember what I said before about attraction and love happening for a man because of NEWNESS

and UNPREDICTABILITY?

Well, if things have fizzled out with a man you had a close, connected relationship with, you can jump-start things by injecting new and unpredictable things into how you relate with him.

So, if you normally have the same weekend routine, mix it up. Come up with something different and interesting to do.

Pick a sport that you can do with him, go out and meet new people together, explore different

ways to be intimate together, plan a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go to.

And if you are together all the time, spending time apart as in step two creates newness and unpredictability, too.

For a complete, step-by-step plan that guides you in re-igniting the passion and connection in a relationship, I strongly suggest you check out

 ==> Click Here <==

- Bring back the passion, devotion, and romance in your relationship simply by bringing out certain qualities you already possess

-Connect your body to your mind when you're feeling in pain or you don't want to deal with your emotions and anger

-And many more powerful insights and practical ways to dramatically improve your relationship and recapture the connection you share with a man.

Until the next blog...live with passion

Mary

  

Most women are aware, on some level, of the fact that acting insecure, and begging a man to validate you or praise you, are 'bad'. 

But this doesn't leave you with a lot of scope for when life gets in the way and screws up all those 'rules' that you've got in place about how you 'should' feel or behave.

 For example: let's say you're feeling really low or really insecure about something. According to the 'insecurity is bad' rule, you've got two choices: either you can do what MOST women do, and give in to your feelings of insecurity, and go ahead and ask him in one way or another to validate you, praise you, or otherwise 'rescue you from  yourself'...  ...and then, usually, justify it to yourself afterwards on an emotional level because you didn't know how else to make yourself feel better...

OR, you could simply point-blank refuse to seek approval or validation from anyone, but, without a strong backup plan, continue to FEEL TERRIBLE ANYWAY.  Neither of those options is appealing. 

On the OTHER hand, when you're able to take care of INSECURITY and UNCERTAINTY at the ROOT: meaning, that you stop asking from others what you're not willing to give yourself... and you stop looking EXTERNALLY for 'the answer' ... and you stop buying into the TRAP that, if you just 'try hard enough' or 'wait long enough', those bad feelings (and the way they make you act) will finally stop plaguing you...

...THEN, you put yourself in an unassailable and CONSISTENT position of complete power over yourself and your world. (Read: you become IRRESISTIBLY attractive.)

To do this, you've simply got to become aware that the only way to truly eradicate anxiety and insecurity, and the effects that these things have on your behaviour and your relationships, is to simply  STOP looking for 'proof' from outward sources, and decide to become your own 'tower of power'. 

YOU are now the one who will decide what is 'OK' and what is 'not OK'. Not anybody else. You now come first. Period.  And guess what? Things like insecurity and anxiety disappear as a NATURAL BYPRODUCT of this new approach - along with all the attraction-killing neediness, clinginess, and jealousy that you may have UNWITTINGLY been enacting up till now. 

In practical terms, this means that you will experience an ever-so-subtle change in your everyday life that really top-quality human beings (of both genders) will sit up and take notice of. 

This is real emotional hardball we're talking about here: the 'intangibles' that mean SO MUCH, and that go such a long way, but that you can't 'fake'. It's got to be the real deal.  When you're no longer operating out of a place of FEAR, and you're no longer scrabbling to get 'enough' of anything, everything about the way you interact with your life shifts just a LITTLE BIT...

...and you literally empower yourself to put your best foot forward, make decisions that are appropriate to you and your life, and exude an understated, but unmistakable, 'real-deal' self-confidence.  THIS is the kind of confidence that really attracts top-notch men. It's the kind of confidence that's based on a genuine acceptance of yourself. 

Question: have you ever noticed that it's very difficult to make any kind of lasting change, unless you feel accepted in and of yourself already?

 Same thing goes here. Until you accept YOURSELF, and your own opinion of yourself, nobody else will either. And that's the kind of thing that keeps you stuck in the same repetitive, destructive habits and behaviour... TRYING to change ... but not understanding why it's not happening yet. 

 Confused? 

That's OK. This is some pretty deep stuff, and it can take a while to get your head around. But here's the basic layout:

1. Fear and insecurity are UNATTRACTIVE. They convey to other people the idea that you are somehow 'less than', and encourage other people to treat you as if this were true. 

2. Most people live their daily lives out of fear and anxiety, believing that if they can just get X to happen (promotion, new relationship, shed a dress size), those negative feelings will go away and they'll be 'happy'. 

3. This is not true. Fear and anxiety, if you're feeling them, are a reflection of YOURSELF and how you habitually deal with the world, NOT a reflection of what's happening in your life. 

4. Until you change how you deal with yourself at a root level, you will never be able to change those behaviours and will continue to be at the mercy of insecurity and anxiety. 

5. As long as you continue to feel these negative emotions, you will be likely to act in a way that highlights that insecurity. These actions usually come to the forefront around men, and can poison your ability to create lasting, fulfilling, healthy relationships. 

6. When your actions are motivated by insecurity and/or anxiety, this shows through to the man (or men) in your life ... usually in the form of VALIDATION-SEEKING, which is often perceived as 'weakness' and proof that you are somehow lacking on some level. Needless to say, this usually drives quality people AWAY from you. 

7. The only way to ensure that your behaviour is consistently coming from a place of HIGH VALUE and

CONFIDENCE is to deal with insecurity at the root: by recognizing the need to adjust your relationship with yourself, to stop asking others to give you what you won't give yourself, and to look WITHIN YOURSELF instead of externally for security and confidence. 

8. Once this happens, all the behaviours you didn't even know about that were tainted with anxiety, insecurity, or fear, literally VANISH. Instead, you exude an innate strength and confidence that not only draws positive situations and people into your life, but that men find VERY sexy.

When Would Now Be A Good Time To Change Your Life

Until the next time....Mary

Gals, if you want super practical tips on exactly HOW to increase your confidence around guys you want to get to know better, then you should check THIS out:

   Do you ever catch yourself thinking that 'insecurity is just a part of life'?

Or that, on some days, you feel STRONG and GREAT about yourself... but that on other days, you don't have a lot of control over how secure and strong you feel... and that you're pretty much at the mercy of these powerful emotions?

Have you ever felt yourself asking, even BEGGING, for 'approval' or praise from someone in your life (usually, a man) only to have it backfire on you?

 Maybe he becomes more distant over time... maybe you start to 'drift apart'... maybe the 'balance' in the relationship shifts and he becomes more critical and dissatisfied for no apparent reason. 

This is no coincidence. When it comes to attracting, and sustaining, quality relationships into your life, a strong sense of confidence in yourself is not only SEXY, but it's actually MANDATORY. 

Without it, you begin to be motivated by things like INSECURITY... and you inadvertently fuel things like NEEDINESS... and often, this happens without you even realizing it. 

 And for most men, 'neediness' and 'insecurity' are the ENEMIES of attraction, and can literally kill a relationship. 

 If you've ever had a man tell you he needs 'space' before, you'll know what I'm talking about. 

 It's near-impossible to feel attraction for someone who's bought into the habit of acting like a second-class citizen - i.e. someone who's lacking in CERTAINTY about themselves. 

Question:

Did you know that, in a lot of ways, men and women are more alike than you may have realized?

Yeah, I'll vouch for the fact that our BRAINS and BODIES are literally constructed differently, and that we have different instincts and reactions to many situations.   But in other situations, we literally have almost the SAME THOUGHTS. 

 One area that this is HUGELY TRUE of is the area of ATTRACTION. Men and women both tend to be attracted to members of the opposite sex who appear to be 'high value' on the social scale. 

In other words, who act on a consistent level as though they are 'worth something' and that they expect a certain level of respect and value from others at ALL TIMES. No exceptions.

Unfortunately, many women are predisposed to feeling 'needy' or 'insecure' about themselves ... which tends to kick any ability to act with confidence directly in the butt.  

   I'd venture to say that most women are affected by a lack of self-confidence on a near-daily basis. 

Even for the most confident woman, situations are still going to arise where she gets knocked into a situation of uncertainty or overwhelmed from time to time...and this is when those thoughts like, 'I don't know what I'm doing, I'm not good enough, what do I do now' start to surface. 

And this happens more and more frequently to those of us who believe, on some level, that self-confidence is something that just 'happens naturally' as a RESULT of the kinds of success that you're enjoying in your life.  In other words, the belief that if you are 'good enough', then you will have a REASON to feel self-confident, and so you will BECOME confident as a result of that.

 No, no, no!!

This is NOT true - and in fact, it's absolutely CRIPPLING when it comes to your own, authentic irresistibility.  The fact of the matter is that the CONFIDENCE is what comes FIRST ... and THEN you get the success. 

If you're not confident about something in your life - perhaps you feel anxious, insecure, or afraid about relationships, men, your job, money - know this: what you feel ABOUT something is a reflection of how you feel about YOURSELF.

 In other words, it's an inherent part of WHO YOU ARE. 

If you are feeling fearful or insecure 'about something' in your life, your mind will try to trick you into believing that, as soon as that thing or circumstance goes away, those fears and that insecurity will go away, too.

But the mind-boggling truth is that they won't. They will simply latch onto something ELSE. And thus, you'll become trapped in an on-going rat race of fear, insecurity, and mental turbulence, while continuing to wait for X to happen so that those feelings will leave you alone ...

   ...BUT THEY WON'T.

If you are experiencing fear or insecurity, it's not a reflection of your LIFE and what's happening in it. It is a reflection of YOU and the relationship you have with yourself.

A major cause of this on-going 'rat race' of insecurity and doubt is doing what MOST PEOPLE on this planet do, and looking for 'validation' or 'approval' from other people.  A.k.a., 'proof' that you are a good/attractive/smart/insert-adjective-here woman.

Unfortunately, when you look EXTERNALLY for the solution, it never comes ... and you simply end up polluting each day with needy, desperate, fear-motivated actions, driving great men, great

PEOPLE, and great situations AWAY from you, and NEVER getting any closer to being truly confident and OK with who you are. 

It's a self-perpetuating state, in other words.

However! There is a really easy way to get in tune with your own strength, your OWN approval, and your own confidence ... in such a way that literally ALL neediness, all clinginess, and all fear-based behaviours are INSTANTLY rendered null and void. 

Here it is. 

First of all: you've got to become AWARE of the fact that the answer does not lie 'without'. There is no person and no situation anywhere on Earth that can fill that void within you. You are never going to get 'enough', and you are never going to be 'secure', until you recognize that the answer is not OUT THERE...

 ...it's inside YOU. 

And step two: you've got to realize that YOU are the one with the power here. When YOU decide to stop relying externally for validation and approval, and you decide to give it to YOURSELF, you literally retrain  your brain into accepting that 'right now' is all there is. 

And when you connect the dots like this, something absolutely MAGICAL starts to happen. 

It's like plugging up a hole where all your strength and irresistibility had been draining away. The second you realize on a gut level that 'enough' lies within YOU, and that all you have to do is STOP looking for it elsewhere, that thirst for 'more' just... goes away.  

When you are able to draw your strength from within yourself, and stop TRYING SO HARD to get it from other people, several extremely liberating and interesting things begin to happen. 

Firstly: all your mental 'noise' calms down and you instantly shed all the fear, and all the desperate need for control, that comes when your 'sense of self' and your 'security' come from

EXTERNAL FACTORS like jobs, money, position, looks, and what other people say or think. 

You no longer talk and act out of a place of FEAR... and this happens unconsciously. Effortlessly. And yes, other people notice. You begin to ever-so-quietly assume control of your own life and your own irresistible, authentic attraction to the people and situations that you want.

Secondly: you begin to exude the kind of natural magnetism that literally DRAWS PEOPLE (men

AND women) to you, without even TRYING. 

It is EFFORTLESS. 

Imagine, for a second, what kind of a result this 'effortless magnetism' could have on your love life. 

   Hmmmmm!

Let me ask you a question.  Have you ever had a period in your life when you've been very hard on yourself about something?

If so, you'll probably have noticed that, around about this time, OTHER PEOPLE began to be quite hard on you, too.   This is far from coincidental.  

What you feel and believe, you attract more of. (In this case, because you were being hard on yourself, you threw out the welcome mat for criticism and similarly harsh treatment from others.) And, of course, the converse is also true. When you stop asking for something as basic as approval from other people, and start giving it to YOURSELF, a funny thing happens:  you start to get more of it from other people than you would have previously thought possible. 

So if you DITCH all the negative, fear-based 'noise' taking place in your mind... and make a conscious decision to STOP TRYING SO HARD to get approval or validation from others ... and use your

OWN opinion and your OWN feelings as a gauge for how you're doing in love and life...

... then you will attract, EFFORTLESSLY, people and situations into your life that will support you in this new-found empowerment. 

You'll also find that this approach to life has a massive effect on the level of PURE ATTRACTION. 

I think that's enough for one day, part two tomorrow.  If you would like some FREE ebooks on how to improve your confidence, Assertiveness Law of Attraction, go to http://www.slfhelp.com  Nothing to buy, just lot's of free stuff.

See ya tomorrow....

Mary

Can you really save your relationship with Text Messages?

Do you think you “don’t have time for romance?” Relationship expert Michael Fiore thinks you’re wrong… in fact, he says he can show you how to bring all the romance, love and even passion you’re missing back into your relationship, simply by pushing a few buttons on the cell phone you have in your pocket or purse right now.

“Digital Telepathy”

“Text messages are the closest thing to telepathy we have” says Fiore. “Simply by pushing a few buttons on your cell phone you can create a private little fantasy world between you and your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife … where you can say or do anything without anyone else having a clue.”

He Made Rachael Tingle

Michael Fiore and his “Text The Romance Back” method have been featured on national television and radio including appearing on“The Rachael Ray Show” on Valentine’s Day, where just one of Michael’s “Magic” texts gave Rachael “tingles” and had the whole audience oohing and ahhing.

Go watch this video to learn how to use tiny little text messages to bring the spark and electricity back into your relationship (even if your man is a “Romantic Numbskull” or if your woman is an “ice queen.”) It’s worked for thousands of couples around the world, and Michael Fiore guarantees it will work for you.

Do you think men are “complicated?”

If you do, you’re not alone. Most women seem to think that men should come with an instruction manual…

Or that getting a man to be “romantic” is as hard as getting lasting peace in the middle east.

But thousands of women are discovering that waking up the “secret romantic” in their men is as easy as hitting a few buttons on their cell phone and sending a few “special” messages that have been proven again and again to work wonders.

Why Men Aren’t Romantic

The fact is, most men secretly crave romance at least as much as you do… but they’re either too distracted, too emotionally closed off, or too shy to tell you how they really feel or to sweep you off your feet.

But simply by using a few text messages sent from your average cell phone you can give him permission to be “unapologetically romantic”… to open up and tell you how he really feels, and to take you back in a “Relationship Time Machine” so you love each other (and lust after each other) like you did when you first met.

Incredible Video

If you want to learn more, go watch this short (but eye-opening) video by relationship expert Michael Fiore. In the video you’ll learn the real reason romance “dies” in most relationships…

The 3 things your man needs from you in order to “open up” to his secret romantic desires…

And how to use tiny little text messages to turn your guy into a bonafide “Prince Charming,” even if he’s a total “Romantic Numbskull” now.

Go Watch the video

This “Text The Romance Back” method has been featured on The Rachael Ray Show and has helped tens of thousands of women around the world. It sounds shocking, but it really does work.

Beyond Sexting?

If you’ve been watching the news, you’ve probably heard of big sports stars, politicians, and teenagers getting in trouble for “sexting” outside their marriages.

But what you probably didn’t know is that there are tens of thousands of women and men around the world using simple little text messages inside their relationships to create amazing romance, intimacy and passion literally at the push of a button.

Text The Romance Back?

Relationship expert Michael Fiore created a step by step system for using tiny little text messages to create a private “intimate channel” between you and the man or woman in your life… even if you don’t have much time together (due to kids and jobs) or if your lover doesn’t seem very “romantic” now.

“The great thing about texting is that it’s private and you can do it anywhere” says Fiore. “Just by sending a few tiny little text messages you can ‘wake up’ the romantic center of your partner’s mind… give them a private ‘text massage’, tell them how you really feel, and really create an amazing level of heat… just by pushing a few buttons on your phone.”

Proven To Work On National TV

Fiore was forced to put his money where his mouth is when he was featured on the Valentine’s Day edition of The Rachael Ray Show.Live, in front of millions of viewers, Fiore showed a couple how to use his “romantic texting” techniques to amazing affect. Every woman in the audience sighed and Rachael herself said that Michael gave her “chills.”

Watch the video Now

To learn how to text the romance back into your relationship — and to get 3 free “Magic Texts” you can use right now —Go watch this video right away.

Let me ask you a quick question: do you ever  feel  like you can ATTRACT men perfectly fine, but

that you have difficulty attracting a GOOD one?

 Or that you 'shouldn't have' any problems  attracting a man - and yet, somehow, you still do?

 Or that you're not able to recognize a great  relationship when you have one ... and instead, only

'realize what you you've got when it's gone' ... and  are CONSTANTLY trying to 'make up' for problems  and breakups that took place in the past?

 If any of these sounds even a little bit like  you, then you'll be relieved to know that it's actually a COMMON problem that many women have in their relationships  ... and that, once you've equipped yourself with the ACCURATE INFORMATION that you need, you can quite simply 'get over' the problem, move on, and begin experiencing the kind of refreshing, fulfilling, EFFORTLESS relationship that you deserve. 

   A good place to start: 

==>> Mistakes Women Make <<==  

And now, let's get on with today's topic: the mistakes that YOU'RE making that could be DRIVING

MEN AWAY - and how to stop doing them.

By the way - a lot of women feel, deep down, that 'something's wrong', but they just can't seem to figure out WHAT IT IS. 

 Their friends all tell them they're fine. THEY think they're fine. And yet they keep experiencing

the same LACK of consistent results.

Here's a little secret for you: if you think that something's wrong, IT PROBABLY IS. Learn to

trust your instincts and work with what you feel.  Until you do, you're going to be trapped in the

same old cycle of TELLING yourself that 'everything's fine' and that you're doing the

right thing - when actually, YOU'RE NOT. 

And you know what? I think you might be surprised at just how many other women are experiencing that very same issue - when you know something's not quite right, but you just DON'T

KNOW WHAT IT IS.

So let's investigate further.

 What are some of the things that women UNKNOWINGLY do that actually drive men away?

     #1. BEING A 'YES GIRL'

 Let's be frank. A LOT of women have been acculturated to believe that the best way to a

man's heart is to TRY REALLY HARD to please him.   And if he gets bored, becomes aloof, or backs

off a little, well! That's easy. It's simply a cue to just TRY HARDER. 

In fact, just this morning I got an email from a woman who told me that this is EXACTLY her problem: that she was brought up by her mom to 'take care' of men, and that her instinct when she's with a man is to clean his apartment, pick up after him, bake him cookies, and generally 'mother' the attraction right out of him.   

Obviously, this is a pretty extreme example - plenty of us were taught to do housework in our childhood without our parents turning it into a Lesson About What Men Want - but the truth still

remains: there are a LOT of women out there whose sole idea about creating a great relationship can be summed up so:

 'If I just try hard enough, and put the relationship first, and take really good care of him, he'll love me more.'

   No no NO! 

 Look, here's the deal. Quality men don't actually want 'yes women'. They want a woman with a BACKBONE. Deep down, they don't want you to drop everything for them. They want you to stand up for yourself and have your own opinions and be OK with saying 'no' if that's how you feel. 

 It's a good idea to draw boundaries when it comes to men: let them know that you're not willing to accept behaviour that is 'less than' in order to simply have 'a relationship'. For example, if a guy is treating you like 'Plan B' and doing things like ...

   ... calling you up at ridiculous hours asking to 'see you' and telling you he misses you (BTW - anything after 10pm is generally TOO LATE to be respectful of you) ...

   ... or disappearing for days or weeks at a time, then calling up with a good excuse ...

   ... or always asking you to meet him places, or telling you that you're 'welcome to come round

anytime', but never actually asking you out on a DATE ...

 Then YOU need to stick up for yourself and prove that you value yourself too highly to accept

this kind of mediocre treatment from ANYONE. No matter how badly you want to see him. 

 The best way to do this is with your ACTIONS, not your WORDS. So don't tell him that you're

'worth more' than to be subjected to late-night booty calls - just don't answer the phone after a

certain time. 

 If he's never asking you out on dates, well, that's your cue to back right off and stop ACCEPTING those last-minute 'visitation requests'. No need to make a big scene or create drama - simply say something like, 'Gee, I'd love to, but I have other plans. Next time why don't you let me know in advance and then we can figure out something that works for us both?'

 In a nutshell: stop feeling that 'the relationship' needs to come first if you're going to 'earn' his 'love'. YOU come first, always and forever; and you should not be giving any more to anyone, or any relationship, if it doesn't SUIT YOU to do so.

Remember, your instincts know what's up. So if you feel like you're overcompensating, or that you're giving 'too much', YOU PROBABLY ARE. Take a step back and focus on  YOURSELF FIRST ... THEN you can pay some attention to him. Period.

   #2. TURNING 'COZY TIME' INTO 'CONFESSION TIME'

 Did you know that, when you're with a man, there is actually NO good time to start the self-pity-talk, the requests for validation, or the 'confessions' that you sometimes feel 'not good enough'...

 ... and that, hands down, the absolute WORST TIME to start doing this is when you're about to get, or have just been, physical together?  And yet to some women, 'cozy time' is tantamount to PRIME-TIME when it comes to airing out the dirty laundry. 

 Instead of just allowing feelings of warmth and closeness to wrap you both up tacitly in a nice

fuzzy blanket of relaxation and peacefulness, some women instead decide that it's time to 'unveil'

their 'true selves' ... and launch into a self-pity-infused litany of all the things they wish were different about themselves, complete with horror stories from the past, stories about the ex, and a bunch of talk about 'the relationship' - all of which basically equates to bleating, 'Validate me! Validate me! Validate meeeee!'

Bottom line: he's going to feel like you're either:   - a) using him as a tool to externally validate

yourself, OR

 - b) that you have some SERIOUS intimacy issues, OR

 - c) that you can't tell what an 'appropriate situation' is for talking about personal stuff.  

   Ladies: please. If you're in bed with a man, or even if you're just hanging out together, don't feel the need to pollute it by getting all heavy and up-close-and-personal.   It is not going to bring you closer together, it's just going to portray you as a needy, insecure woman who's making a thinly-veiled attempt to get his approval and validation. 

 Here's a tip: SAVE IT for your friends and family. Your guy doesn't need to hear about how you wish your stomach was flatter or that you wish your legs were longer or that you have all these 'deep, dark secrets' that you just can't WAIT to douse him with.  

 If you're feeling insecure, that's OK, go ahead and feel the feelings ... but just be COOL about it. Stop thinking about the past, and bring your attention into the here-and-now. Stop thinking about YOU, and get interested in HIM. 

 Focus on what's happening around you, what he's doing, what he's saying, and you'll find that your thoughts will soon diminish and disappear altogether ... and you'll have kept your pride (and your self-respect) at the same time. 

 One other thing - every time we air out these little negativities about ourselves, it strengthens our belief that those thoughts are TRUE. Don't add any more energy to them by talking about them - simply allow the thoughts to be, and then allow them to just drift off while you and your life move on to better, TRUER thoughts and feelings.  And by the way ... since when is self-pity 'the real you' anyway?

   #3. NEEDING HIM TO LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU LOVE

YOURSELF. 

The big mistake here is needing someone else to give you something FUNDAMENTAL like acceptance, approval, and LOVE, before you're willing and able to do it for yourself.  There are 2 major problems with this particular outlook.

 Firstly: it's going to literally prevent you from EVER feeling happy, feeling loved, or being satisfied in a relationship. 

   And here's why. 

 It's because when you buy into the idea that you'll be happy WHEN something else happens in your life (like a relationship), you're actually FOOLING YOURSELF. If you're not able to be happy and love yourself as you are right now, then you'll NEVER fully be able to - no matter what happens, what kind of a relationship you get, or who you wind up with. 

You'll be trapped on that gerbil-wheel of 'waiting for X to happen before you feel happy INDEFINITELY. The only way around that is to start loving yourself and feeling content RIGHT NOW,

with what you have.   Secondly: this attitude is going to prevent you from ever attracting and keeping a really top-notch man, because GREAT men don't want to be responsible for something as elemental and basic as your own ability to be happy. 

And if a guy can sense that you're holding back on yourself until X happens - maybe that's until you get a committed relationship, or until you get engaged - he knows that nothing is ever going to change ... you're STILL going to hold out on yourself even when X comes to pass.   He knows that you're just fooling yourself, and will never actually BE HAPPY - and that (here's the clincher) sooner or later, you will eventually wind up holding HIM responsible for your lack of happiness and love. 

 You've got to be able to give it to yourself FIRST. Needing a man to approve of you, needing him to validate you, and NEEDING his love to 'be happy' are all signs that you are a woman who is unable to fulfil herself ... and that, sooner or later, you are going to bring those burdens to bear on him and on the relationship.

 This is why smart men aren't eager to involve themselves with women who are NEEDY or CLINGY.

They want to know that you're going to be happy whether you're single or 'spoken for', because only THEN will you be able to maintain an even keel and only THEN will you be the kind of woman who's actually worth investing in.  Truly, the ability to be a GREAT woman who's truly worthy of (and attractive to) top-quality men is one of those 'worldview' things. Every aspect of how you think about yourself and how you treat yourself is SAYING SOMETHING to other people, and will help to determine the nature of your relationships with men.

 If you want more of a detailed look at what it takes to be the kind of fantastic woman who

NATURALLY attracts fantastic men into her life, and who enjoys relationships that are happy,

healthy, and FULFILLING, then here's that link again:

==>> Go Here <<==

Until next time

Mary